Day 16 - March 27

Do you ever feel alone? Feel that no one out there could possibly understand what you are going through. That you life really isn't going in the direction that you planned. You feel weak, inadequate, overwhelmed.

Don't believe the lie that you are alone. There are people who love you. We are all weak and inadequate and we all feel overwhelmed at times. You are not alone in this feeling. The amazing thing is that God, the creator of the world, the creator of you, came into this world through Jesus Christ. God loves his creation so much that he provides for us. When we are weak He gives us His strength, we are inadequate so are given grace and when the feelings that overwhelm us come He gives us peace that passes all understanding. If you feel alone just reach your hand up, pray. Speak out to those in your life that direct you towards truth.

Day 18 - March 25

Matt 22:37-39 "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38This is the great and first commandment. 39 And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself"

We focus a lot on the first commandment and we should. If you follow Christ this is what it is all about. All of our lives should flow in and out and through and around this commandment. And the second is like it. I follow Christ and I'm learning how to love God with all my heart, soul and mind. I will be learning this my whole life. And the second is like it. I want to grow in this area. I want to desire to God with all that I am. And the second is like it. I read books and blogs about growing closer to God. I have amazing conversations with my husband and my friends about how to love God deeper and how He is continuing to refine me. And the second is like it.

What am I, what are we doing about the second. The love your neighbour as yourself. Dwell on that for a bit. What would that mean if I truly loved the people I meet that interact with as myself?

Day 20 - March 23

For the past 7 years one of the most awkward questions I get asked when I meet someone new is "so do you have any siblings?". Completely innocent, just getting to know you kinda question. I always answer with a reserved yes or no depending on the time I have to explain to my story. Yes, I have a sibling. For 21 years I had my wonderful sister Stacy. She past away 7 years ago from MS. Tonight I find myself missing her. We are going through and packing up our house again and I came to the beautiful hand crafted chest that sits under my window in our bedroom. This chest was Stacy's. In I have a number of different things that belonged to her. I hadn't gone through the chest in awhile and I couldn't quiet remember what was in it.

I was sharing with Tim tonight that for the past number of years I've kept these items put away. I didn't want to continue to dwell in the death of my sister. She followed Christ and I have a greater hope. As I went through these things tonight I so badly wanted to see her. Introduce her to Layla and see them cuddle together. I miss her. But I have hope and faith.

Out of this chest I pulled out a poem that I had written to her when I 15 and she was moving out of the house on to her own. It's encased in a really cheap dollar store frame that I bought for it 15 years ago and beside the poem are pictures of me and her. So I think I'll stop by the store and pick out a little better frame and hang it in my house. One day when Layla is a bit bigger she'll ask me about it. I can share Auntie Stacy stories with her and I can share with Layla the hope that Stacy had in Christ and how one day she'll be able to meet her.

This doesn't have much to do with Lent, I guess I'm just feeling sentimental.

Day 21 - March 22

Faith - Good Deeds. James 2:14-20

How do I show my faith. How do I show the world that hurting, that needs to know there is a Saviour, needs to know that Christ took upon Him all our sin, our hurt, our shame that I have faith in this God. This God that is kind, that is loving, that is just, that cares for the details of my life. By my good deeds. By my actions. By my love. I can't just be all talk, all words. I can't just type that I have faith and that I want people to know Christ. I have to hop of my hiney and it put into action.

I don't want to discount what I do or what many of us do. Some of us we're mothers, we do dishes and change poopy diapers. I know I have good deeds. But lots of people have good deeds. Oprah, Ellen, Gandhi, Ty Pennington (I wonder how Gandhi feels about being put into the same category as this other folks hmmmm) they have or had good deeds. But what were these deeds born out of and what is the eternal value of them?

So its about my attitude, about my heart. Am I serving, am I doing these good deeds because of my faith? Or am I grumbling my way through these good deeds? I do I first think -God gave me life, gave me grace, gave me forgiveness and because of new life life in me I must serve? This needs to pour out of me. Christ gave all, thing about that - ALL. So if the way that I show this faith that is given to me is by good works, by actions, by loving people it is simply what I have to to do.

So the next step?......

Day 24 - March 19

So the whole family is sick right now minus the dog. So maybe this is cheating today but trying to type while blowing my nose isn't very fun. Take a read through James 2:14-20.

14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? 15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, 16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?
17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.

18 Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.”

19 You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. 20 How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?

I'll do some blogging about this passage over the next few days.

Day 26 - March 17

OK so blogging really has some down sides. On Day 28 I talked about my last words and how I want my last words to my husband to be full of love and kindness and how I should treat all my words as my last words because we don't know when our lives will end. SO what do I do today, just two simple days after I write that - I'm short tempered and unkind. Don't read into this that Tim did something and I reacted. It's not even that justifiable. I was grouchy and feeling stressed out about our up coming move and I aloud my emotions to control my actions and my attitude.

My friend and I where chatting on Sunday about what Paul writes in Romans 7:15 "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." How is that I can know what I want to do and what I should do and then allow myself so easily to fall into the trap of my emotions and do what I hate? In Luke 6:45 it is says "For out the overflow his heart his mouth speaks" hmmmm so this is how I really see the state of my heart I look at my words.

I am very, very thankful for gracious God . The last part of 2 Cor 6:2 says "now is the day of salvation" I am so glad that I can repent. I can see my actions and see my heart and ask God to change me. Today. Today I can continue to receive Christ salvation, the payment for my sins. God continues to save me from myself, from my sinful nature. I am thankful that salvation is a continuing act, that "we continue to work out our salvation" (Phil 2:12)

I am also thankful for a very patient husband.

Day 28 - March 15

Over the past few days God has really been focusing me on my words. The words that leave my lips hold so much. Tonight I was thinking about my last words. Maybe this is a bit extreme but I was thinking about what my last words to my husband, Tim will be. None of us know how many days have been assigned to us. I don't know who will go to see Jesus first Tim or me. I am trying to plan it out that we both pass away when we are about 96 in each others arms. However I have a feeling that it might not happen that way. The thought of Tim passing away almost breaks me. I don't think of it often so please don't think I'm too morbid. Again though tonight I was thinking of what my last words will be. I really don't want them to be angry or biting like they can be. Or critical, Or harsh, Or selfish. So what if in my conversations with Tim I treated the words I speak with the thought in my mind that I don't know what the day holds so I better choose my words with care and with love. Because I know what I would say if I was sitting by his bedside or him by my bedside with the last breath in my chest. My words would be filled with hope, with love, with kindness.

What would my words look like if I took this thought to the other relationships in my life. With my family and my friends. My words would be much different. They would be filled with grace. The little annoyances would be over looked. I would simply love them and lay down my selfishness.

Day 29 - March 14

Ephesians 4:26
"Be angry and do not sin"

How do you do this? How do I be angry at something or someone and not sin? There has to be away but I haven't seemed to figure it out yet. Because as soon as I'm upset I want to "vent"... Venting is okay right? Just sharing your feelings with your friend...hmmmm then I speak all of sudden I'm speaking poorly about someone, I slander.

Romans 1:29-31
29They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

Look at this list that Paul writes to the Romans. Slander and murder, gossips and haters of God. Oh what a list. When I slander and when gossip leaves my lips I am put into the same list as murders and haters of God. I over look these sins but the truth is that they separate me from God. I can't compare myself to anyone. I can't look at the "bad" person and say I'm good. The only person I can compare myself to is Jesus and compared to him I am like Paul - the chief of all sinners.

And then I remember that Jesus went to the cross. He took my sin, my slander, my gossip, my strife, my foolishness and paid the price. So as I walk through this life I need to take seriously what we would call "little" sins and realize that they are not okay. That I need to take every thought and word captive, even when I am angry, when someone sins against me. I need to offer that same forgiveness to them that Christ gives to me everyday.

Day 30 - March 13

Well I think I've sat down to blog everyday this week and the busyness of each day just seemed to override it. Don't worry I didn't fall of the wagon and spend my days vegging out in front of the TV. Tim, Layla and I moving back into London in a few weeks so I've been packing.

I feel like I've been learning a lot this week. I've been listening to some podcast sermons as I've been packing and I'm really trying to put into practice these things that I am learning. One of the podcast that I listening to was all about us "taming the tongue" OK so I talk WAY to much! Sometime I'll say something and as the words are leaving my mouth I wish I could some how grab them and put them back in. If you have that problem too THINK before you speak

T - True - is what you are about say the truth
H - Helpful - so it may be true but is helpful to say it
I - Inspirational - is this going to help people move forward in there life
N - Necessary - OK this is the big one for me and self explanatory
K - Kind- Are my words kind

So if what you are about say meets these qualifications go ahead speak it out. If it doesn't maybe hold onto those words.

"For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says,he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?"
James 3:2-11

Day 34 - March 9

I think the older I get the less I know. I swear when I was 16 I had it all figured out, well I least I thought I did. Maybe I should give myself more credit, I mean I do *know* things - I know how to make a mean batch of Chocolate chip, peanutbutter oatmeal cookies, how to smile while serving drinks during turbulence and as of recently I now know how to put 8 kids to bed with the help of a very wise 10 year old.

I know I can't go back in time, but I really wish I could impart some of the things I do know now to that 16 year old, or 8 year old or even that 22 year old. I would tell myself as an 8 year old to say thank you to my mom and dad way more. I love being a parent and I love watching my parents be grandparents. As child and up until you have your own kids you really can't understand the sacrifices that a parent makes for you. I'm not trying to boast myself up here. I'm learning how much my parents loved and love me because of how much I love Layla.

To the 16 year old I would just tell her to relax a bit. And say thank you to my mom and dad! To the 22 year old I would tell that the accumulation of things and of debt to buy those things is not what will make you satisfied. Serve, serve as much as you can. Pour your heart into serving people. Live a simpler life. Desire God and serve.

Even as my pastor spoke on Sunday about service it was such a reminder. Jesus came not to be served but to serve. As I spend the last 18 months of my 20's I really want them to marked by service and by learning how to serve.

Day 35 - March 8

What I learned today... A day spent with friends is a well spent day. Short, simple and true.

Day 36 - March 7

Dictionary.com has the definition of the word abundant as the following:

1. present in great quantity; more than adequate; oversufficient:
2. well supplied;
3. richly supplied:

One could easily read John 10:10 and assume that an abundant life means many possessions or money in the bank or some sort of material item or even a relationship like marriage or kids. Yet when we look at what means to have an abundant life and follow Christ it doesn't necessarily mean physical blessings. When I look at this definition however I realize that I do have an abundant life. I have the grace of God that is present in great quantity. I am well supplied for this life and for eternity through what Jesus did on the cross. And I am richly supplied through the mercy, love and hope that I get to live in everyday. AND on top of all this God has blessed me with a marriage, a child, a home and so many other numerous blessings. Life is not easy and there is no promise of that in Bible. So in those moments when life feels like it might just break me this time I need to remember that because I walk with the Creator I can have joy because I have a Saviour. I don't need things to have an abundant life I just need Jesus. HIS grace is sufficient for me.

Day 37 - March 6

In 1979, just a year before I was born, Gloria Gaynor topped the charts with "I will Survive". I think all of us have belted this song out. Those catchy lyrics will get you every time. Even as I type the song is rolling around in my head. However, I really am not a fan of the word survive. So often we hear or say "All I need to do is survive today". Yet if you are a Christ follower we are really called to much more then just surviving. In John 10:10 Jesus said "The thief comes only to steal , and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

Today I caught myself simply just trying to survive and make it to tomorrow. I had a long to-do list, Layla was fussy, sleep was short the night before and I was feeling strangely alone. The first part of the John 10:10 verse was very applicable in my life today and I allowed it to happen. I allowed the thief to come in and steal my joy, kill my peace and destroy my focus. I was dragged into guilty, self pity state that left me in tears and feeling completely inadequate. I am so thankful that Jesus did not end the verse there. He came that we might have LIFE and not just any life but life in abundance. So I am still working this out in my brain and in my heart. So I think I will leave this here tonight and do some more processing tomorrow about the second part of this verse. Tomorrow I do not want to simply survive, tomorrow I want to live and live abundantly.

Day 38 - March 5

We just got back yesterday from a great vacation with my parents. Tim, Layla, Grandma, Grandpa and I headed to the Los Angeles area to simply hang out for a few days in the warm sunshine and escape from winter. We had a great time. One of my favorite moments of the trip happened on the day we arrived. We were walking at an outdoor outlet mall. Tim, Layla and my mom were walking ahead of my dad and me. I asked my dad "So how does it feel to see Layla" (my parents adore their only grandchild) he replied "Oh it makes my life". hmmmm that brought me to tears.
I am really learning how important people are. Relationships. Life really does come down to simply that. Relationship with Christ - which is amazing that we get to have that- Relationship with your spouse, with your kids, with your family, with your friends.
Possessions, nice house in the right neighbourhood, a nice car, the right title at work all these things really don't matter especially if you have to sacrifice relationship to achieve any of these things.
There is a Sara Groves song that I love (well one of many) Its called "Just One More Thing". The line I love is : "The end of your life your relationships are all you've got"
It so true. So I want to invest in people, in relationships, in experiences with my family. Cheese ball as its sounds I want those memories that last a life time. Those inside jokes with your friends and family. You know those jokes where all you have to do is say one line and you all crack up in laughter (Mom & Dad - "I can't feel my legs" )

I hope you enjoy this video




Thanks Tim, Mom and Dad for putting all the one things on hold for the past few days and for making memories that we can treasure and one day share with Layla

Here are the lyrics to "Just One More Thing'

There's always just one more thing
There's always another task
There's always I just have one more small favor to ask
And everything is urgent and everything is now
I wonder what would really happen if I stopped somehow
I'll be there in a minute
Just a few places to go
You wake up a few years later and your kids are grown
And everything is important
But everything is not
At the end of your life your relationships are all you're got

And love to me is when you put down that one more thing
and sayI've got something better to do
And love to me is when you walk out on that one more thing and say
Nothing will come between me and you
Not even one more thing

There will never be an end to
The request upon your time
It's your place to stand up and tell the world
You've got to rest awhile
And everything is important
But everything is not
At the end of your life your relationships are all you've got

And love to me is when you put down that one more thing and say
I've got something better to do
And love to me is when you walk out on that one more thing and say
Nothing will come between me and you
Not even one more thing